Until My Soul Fades Away
by Enkii-Chan
Summary: Since the day they had met, they've been in love, but there is one thing that is keeping Hakase from returning Rudger's feelings. Rudger x Dr.Fudo
1. Shame and Happiness

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds or any of the characters in it ~

_Pairing _: Rudger x Dr. Fudo

_Side Note_ : I fan-named Mrs. Fudo 'Hana' (since it means 'flower' or something and it looked like it suited her ), and Dr. Fudo 'Hakase' (since 'Hakase' means 'doctor', 'ph.d', etc).

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_Chapter o1 : Shame and Happiness_

Who would have expected that the calm professor was a screamer? He conducted himself so accordingly in the work place, albeit ... the man behaved childishly whenever he became excited about the possibilities of that research, but that was something Rudger loved about him even more. There was more than one side to this man. A part of him was calm, serious, that obvious work - place personality one must have that commanded respect from practically everyone around them. Another part was more playful, daring, someone you felt like you can confide your innermost secrets into. Damn. Why did that woman have to get to him first? Yeah, that was right. Professor Fudo was married, the wedding band remained on his ring finger and it indicated that perfectly. However, that did not stop Rudger from making his advances on the man. Just the slightest bit of attention to a certain point on his neck made dear ol' Hakase Fudo moan so loud ; Rudger found it cute of him to try to muffle those moans by putting his hand over his mouth or by biting into his neck in return.

" Rudger ... I have to get home. Hana's --- " just at the mention of his wife, Rudger placed a forceful kiss onto his lips as he forced him back down onto the bed. The two were currently at the elder Goodwin's apartment complex, Hakase had dropped by to pick up a folder of data to analyze and they ended up on the bed with Rudger kissing at his neck.

" Aren't I good enough for you?! " Rudger asked, almost hissing to his employer. Grabbing onto Hakase's hand, Rudger practically tore the wedding band off of his finger only to toss it carelessly over his shoulder ; and as the man was about to get off the bed to retrieve it, Rudger merely pushed him back onto the bed. " You want me too, don't you ?! "

" To want and to know what's right are two different things. I made vows, you know, " Hakase clicked his tongue irritably from being forced down onto the bed once again.

" Your 'knowing what's right' means for you to ignore what your heart's telling you and it's telling you to accept me, to love me, not her, "

" I love Hana, Rudger. She's the mother to my son -- " Once again, interrupted with a kiss. Once they broke apart, Hakase automatically blurted out : " Would you stop doing that? I would enjoy it if you let me --- hnn ... " this time, Hakase interrupted himself with a moan as he felt Rudger now rubbing his thumb against an erogenous zone located right over his ribcage. Rudger's other hand moved in between Hakase's legs, squeezing him hard and earning him another loud moan.

" You want to do this. Give in, you owe yourself one bit of happiness, Professor, "

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
-------- → H a k a s e ' s POV

Didn't wedding vows mean anything these days? I thought they had, I had been so dedicated to Hana through the short year and a half we had been married and I never dreamed of cheating on her. Especially with a man at that. There had always been two conflicting forces in my heart, one telling me : "Stay with Hana! It's safe! She'll never leave you! She's a wonderful woman!" and the other telling me : "Go with Rudger, you fool! He'll love you for you, he'll take care of you! He'll protect you! He might not be the most sensitive guy, but he does all he can". It always gave me guilt in the end. It felt like I was wronging Hana, it didn't feel right to be married to her and not love her with my entire heart. It felt like I was wronging Rudger, since I would not divorce my wife for the chance that we might work out. I didn't want to break up my family, Yusei deserves a stable home. My son comes before myself , before Rudger, before Hana, before anyone. Yusei's happiness came first.

If ... that were true, how did I end up like this? My breath hitching, panting as Rudger continuously rubbed away at my groin and making me hotter by the minute. How did it come to this? I gave into one of the deadly sins, and that one was "lust", or was it "greed" as well?

-------- → R u d g e r ' s POV

I moved over to the junction where his neck and shoulder met, burying my face within it and beginning to suck on that tanned skin of his that earned me a throaty call of my name. One of the hands that had been running along the side of his body went to the hand that had once been the owner of that damned wedding band, lacing our fingers together. The other one, busied itself with unbuttoning that gray dress shirt Hakase usually wore when he went off to work. That was slid off along with that laboratory coat, revealing the man' naked torso for my eyes to feast upon. Who said that all scientists had to be pencil thin nerds? Hakase was a slim guy, but he had a balance to his body. The muscle he had was in fine shape. The man had to face it, he was a pretty boy and he always had been. My hand ran along his chest as if to memorize every curve, every muscle, until it eventually settled on a certain sensitive nub on his chest. I teased it by rubbing it in between my index finger and thumb, while my tongue went off to tease the other.

Hakase groaned deeply, as was expected. It made me wonder if Hana gave him any attention like this, I wouldn't put it pass Hakase to be the one who gave everything to that woman only to have nothing given to him in return. The professor was way too nice to even bring something like that up, he was happy as long as Hana was happy and that was what bothered me. Hakase's happiness mattered to me, pass those smiles, pass that cheerful facade, I knew he was unhappy. I didn't want the man I love to live like that, he was going to become mine. I would be the one to protect him, to make him smile genuinely, to bring back that childish excitement that had slowly been beginning to fade away from him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
-------- → H a k a s e ' s POV

My hands were grabbing at his hair, I was surprised Rudger hadn't punched me for practically yanking on it the entire time. We were both too preoccupied and hot to care. When did it get so hot in here? My pants felt so tight, I hadn't paid any notice to the fact that the large buldge in between my legs was the cause of that. Rudger took great pride in noticing this, he knew that he was he one who made me so hot and bothered. Slowly, almost tortuously, he unbuckled my belt, snapped open the top to my pants and began to tug them down off of my legs to leave me in my boxers. Wait a moment - ? Why was I the only one getting naked over here? No fair! I didn't quite get the chance to take off Rudger's clothing, he was already continuing in teasing me with the simple motion in lifting up the hem of my boxers and letting it go, leaving the elastic to slap against my hip. "Rudger ... " that name left my lips in a breathless moan. I felt like a virgin all over again, like some inexperience school girl being made love to my a man who spent years mastering it.

If I only knew where this came from ... why Rudger was so bent on this. It was just sex to him, wasn't it?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
-------- → R u d g e r ' s POV

His groans were increasing in volume as soon as my hand grasped the large buldge between his legs ; I rubbed it gently in the beginning, but soon I became more rough. Hakase's continuous moans told me he loved it like that. So the professor had that kinky side to him too , I never would have known. I was surprised that Hakase pulled me back up to him , pressing our lips together passionately as in a quick movement, I ridded him off his boxers and left him vulnerable underneath me. God. He was beautiful, that body of his was flawless, scar less. Well, there was this small patch of darker skin at his inner thigh, but that was only supposed to be a birthmark.

He had pushed himself up to his knees, eyes clouded with lust as he impatiently tore away my lab coat and my dress shirt to go along with it. When Hakase wanted something, he went straight for the honey. " Take it all off , " Hakase's sultry voice came in a low groan as he soon began to toy around with my belt in order to remove my pants. Chuckling at his impatience, I decided to aid him in this and I took the liberty of removing my own pants and underwear while the professor never once took his eyes off of me.

We stared at each other. Once the clothes were off, our gazes turned to each other's "package". I would say that Hakase was a little over average size, by an inch or two, though I was still bigger than he was and it seemed the frustrate him. I always thought that Hakase looked cute when he pouted like that. He reached for something in a drawer, searching for something, right until he found a bottle of lotion. Curious of what he was going to do, I continued to watch as he poured a generous helping of lotion onto his right hand. He carelessly throw the bottle away, as I had done to his wedding band, and he began to rub his hands together in order to warm them up. Instead of coating my cock as I expected him to do before I penetrated him, he did something else, something I rather enjoyed.

Hakase went onto his knees, chest now laying on the bed as his rear remained in the air, mimicking the 'doggy style' position many gay couples were familiar with. His fingers went straight for the prize, two of them sliding into his entrance while Hakase moaned out my name. That was one of the sexiest things I had ever seen. It only got better when he turned his sights on my throbbing cock ; his tongue began to run along it as his fingers worked its magic to stretch himself open. His tongue ran all along the shaft, the head, even a certain pair at the base of my erection. It took everything I had not to come right there in his face.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
-------- → H a k a s e ' s POV

I don't know what got into me. One minute I'm laying back taking everything, next I know, I'm basically masturbating in front of Rudger and giving him a blow job. I don't know why my body wanted this so much, my heart and my mind gladly complied to it, they made no effort to fight back whatsoever. I knew deep down inside of myself that I wanted this, that I wanted to love him, that I wanted to be with him instead of Hana but ... one thought always kept creeping into my mind whenever I considered it. Yusei. He wasn't even a year old and he would have a broken home, he wouldn't have a happy family, he would end up being put in the middle of Hana and I and I did not want that for him. His happiness was supposed to come first, but here I was giving into my own selfish desires. It only proved how horrible of a father I was.

I pulled my fingers out of my entrance, that hand soon moving to stroke myself off as I began to suck on Rudger's arousal. It was bigger than I thought, I couldn't take it completely into my mouth. I started out gently for a moment, but then, I began to suck harder on it, Rudger's groans were enough to tell me he enjoyed it like that. I pulled away once I was sure he was on the edge of coming right in my mouth, that wasn't where I wanted it to go, I wanted it inside of me, not on me.

" Put it inside me, " I found myself saying as I sat up onto knees. Wait a minute -- When did I become the bottom? I was a man too, dammit!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
-------- → R u d g e r ' s POV

" Put it inside me, " those words rang clear through my ears like a bell, giving me a sense of delight upon hearing them. The moment I did that, Hakase will be mine and mine alone. Being bound to some woman by law did not mean a thing, he was going to be mine in body and soul and a certain Quantum Physicist knew that. I knew he wanted it, he wanted me, he didn't want Hana any longer. I knew it, the only reason Hakase stayed with her was because of his son! It was wonderful parenting on his part, but he didn't have to be miserable to give that little boy happiness. I wanted that to get through to him, more than anything else. My thoughts had been interrupted with Doctor Fudo's teasing comment of : " If it hurts, you're so fired, " with one of the widest smiles on his face.

" You can't get rid of me that easily, " I chuckled in return. I gently pushed him down on the bed once again, then I lifted up his hips only to notice a look of disappointment in his face. That confused me. Did he have a problem with the position? Heh, figures. Hakase had only been with Hana and missionary got pretty boring. So, I flipped Hakase over to his stomach and lifted up his hips once again, though this time, he had a smile of content on his face. I started out slowly, as to not hurt him, Hakase never had been with another man before after all. His loud moans filled the entire room, with each inch I inserted making them increase in volume. I swore, he was going to let the entire building know what we were doing!

Hakase continued to groan so loud as I continued to push into him until I was completely in. I lowered myself so my chest was now brushing against his back, with my hand moving to grab onto that hard cock that was dripping with pre-cum already. I pumped it as I slid myself out of that tight entrance only to ram back in again, each time his muscles squeezing down on my cock as if it was trying to milk the cum right out of it. Our moans intertwined, however, Professor Fudo's easily drowned out mine. At one point, he let out a moan bordering on a scream of pleasure. I must have hit a special spot inside of him. I stopped all together, pulling my hand away from his cock and him giving me a look mixed with irritation, longing, confusion, and impatience. I was standing straight up on my knees, my cock still inside of him and my hands wandering back into his hips. Hakase remained confused for a moment longer until I began to thrust into him, harder and faster than before, angling myself so that with every thrust, I pounded into that special area relentlessly. My moans were nothing but quiet grunts, very soft and quiet, compared to his screams. I didn't expect someone like Doctor Fudo to be so loud in bed, but damn, those screams turned me on even more-so. I wanted to know how loud he could get, I wanted to see.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
-------- → H a k a s e ' s POV

My body was on fire. It was burning with desire, it was burning for more. I wanted it all, his thrusts, his touches, his kisses, that occasional bite he gave to that special point in my neck. I wanted him. My climax was already reaching, it was so difficult to keep myself from spilling all over the bedsheets with Rudger now pounding into that special spot inside of me. He began to bite down on my neck , rub that special zone at my ribs with one hand as the other left my hip to tease at one of my nibbles. If he wanted me ot scream, that was exactly what he got. I screamed out Rudger's name in my ecstasy, I could hold back any longer and at that exact moment, the "white venom" shot right out of the "mouth" or my "snake". Rudger did not take so long to follow my example and that hot seed filled upmy entire insides a few times over. So much so, that the sticky fluid trailed along my rear and thighs.

I was in a daze. I didn't notice Rudger pulling out of me, or myself just plopping down onto the bed gasping for air. I remember Rudger towering over me, the gentlest smiles on his face as he brought me into his strong arms. It felt really cliche for to do this right after sex, but I didnt't care. I wrapped my arms around him in return, but there was something forming in my eyes. They weree tears. I wasn't sure if it was happiness or sadness that I felt, so, it was dismissed as a mixture of both. Sadness for betraying Hana's trust in me, for letting myself give into my desires, happiness to be taken and loved by Rudger, and sadness to be so confused about my feelings for the both of them.

I ended up crying like a little kid, never once sobbing, but letting those tears spill out of my eyes. " Hakse ... why are you crying? " Rudger's voice came, his hand moving to stroke at my hair in an attempt to comfort me. " Did I hurt you? " I shook my head. " Tell me what's wrong, " I shook my head again. Rudger let out a noise that sounded like a groan of annoyance before he pulled me up so our lips met. He kissed me with passion, our tongues wrestled for dominance and it appeared that I won that round. Yay. Rudger pulled away once both our lungs were dying for oxygen. He laid down beside me on the bed, never once releasing me from his grip and keeping me in that warm embrace. " I love you, didn't you know that? Since I first saw you, I've loved you. I wanted you to be mine, I wanted to make you smile, to get excited like you always do over those projects, I wanted to make you happy. Aren't I enough for you? "

How ... how was I supposed to answer that? My answer will always hurt someone. Saying "yes" meant betraying Hana, betraying our vows, her trust, her love, it meant turning my back to her. Saying "no" meant hurting Rudger, one of my closest friends, it meant losing him, forever closing the door of oppurtunity of what we may have been. No matter what I did, I couldn't change what I just done. I betrayed Hana, my wife, the woman I love, I betrayed her and the family I made with her. What was I supposed to say? My heart ached, that feeling of dread washed over me as I wished to crawl into a hole and hope that whatever godly force, be it the Crimson Dragon or the Earthbound Gods, would strike me down and kill me to escape it. I didn't want to hurt anyone and yet I did.

" ... No, " my answer came smoothly and calmly. I turned my head away, Rudger assumed it was because I just didn't want to see how that answer tore him up, but it was for a completely different reason.

It was shame.


	2. The Pain of Rejection

_Chapter o2 : The Agony of Rejection_

My body, my mind, my heart. They all ached. They ached for him, the man who had broken my heart upon his rejection of me. I wanted to hold him in my arms, say how much I loved him and have Professor Fudo say it right back and actually mean it. I didn't want him to cry, I didn't want to see those beautiful blue irises filled to the brim with tears ever again. It was a delusion, I came to accept. Hakase will never be mine, he was far too devoted to that damn woman. He rejected my feelings, he rejected the fact that he was mine after I had been the one to take him. He rejected me completely. Even as he conducted our research on Momentum, Hakase never got excited about it any longer. It was only business with him, he only spoke business, he only spoke about the research and nothing more. He never joked around anymore, he never attempted to humor Rex or I with any stories he would make up just to put a smile on our faces. Hakase never smiled anymore unless he was around his son, other than that, he was a shell of who he once was.

It was all because of me. I made him miserable, I tore his heart into pieces, I gave him that feeling of dread and painful guilt for practically forcing him to do what he was fighting to keep himself from doing the entire time. I forced him to give in to those desires, I forced him to forget about Hana, I forced him to do it all. It caused him no happiness. That hour of ecstasy had not been worth it for him. Hakase was miserable, he attempted to hide it but Rex and I could tell. My little brother questioned me on why Professor Fudo was behaving that way, and I would end up lying to him by saying " Not a clue. " and suggesting he may have martial problems at home. I didn't want to lie to Rex, but I did not want to tell him the truth. I didn't want him to know that I was the cause of this man's unhappiness.

" Professor, this is entirely wrong, " I commented as I looked over his shoulder as he typed in data for the Momentum research. I was behind him as he sat in a chair, so, I had moved my arms to each side of his body to reach to the keyboard to correct his mistake, leaving Hakase trapped and unable to get away. Instead of replying, I noticed something about his movements. He had shut his eyes and turned his head away from me, not even trying to look as he defensively brought his arms to his chest as if he were afraid.

" I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't paying attention, " came Hakase's reply.

Furrowing my brow at the reaction and response, I pulled away as soon as I was finished correcting his mistakes and wandered off to my brother. " Rex, I would like to speak with Professor Fudo alone. Can you come back in twenty minutes? "

Rex gave me this look of confusion for a brief moment, only to smile in the end " Sure, brother, " with that, he walked off out of the laboratory room to leave me and Hakase alone. Rex assumed I had the most innocent intentions, so, he had not thought of the possibility that we were romantically involved at least one point in our lives. Ah, to be so naive.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
--------- H a k a s e `s POV

I was afraid. Yes! I admit it, I was afraid of Rudger now! It wasn't because he was taller than me or more muscular, or the fact that he made me look like a complete pansy that should be playing for some team called the "London Sillynannies" ... where was I? Oh, right. I was afraid of my feelings to Rudger, for the past few days, I had been attentive, romantic, sweet towards Hana in a way to make up for betraying her trust (I had yet to tell her what I done though). I had been playing with Yusei, been buying him more toys and whatnot in a way to apologize for almost breaking up the family. I wanted to shove those feelings for Rudger deep down until I eventually forgot altogether. My body, my mind, my heart ... I wanted them to belong to Rudger. I wanted to be completely his, I wanted to let myself love him. My heart told me one thing, but my logic told me another. My logic ended up winning, it told me to freeze my heart, to never let myself love another soul but Hana. It was easier thought than done to do something like that.

Being left alone in the laboratory with Rudger left me nervous. I wanted to fill in the increasingly awkward silence, so I ended up saying : " Um ... two pretzels were walking down the street, one of them was asalted, " with a dorky laugh following right afterwards at my own joke. I did that sometimes, I laughed at my own jokes no matter how lame they were. I was a dork, wasn't I ~? Rudger didn't laugh, so I merely hung my head to look back down to the keyboard, patiently awaiting a response.

"That was the first time you laughed in six days, " Rudger smiled. He put his hand on my shoulder to assure me that it was alright to look back up to him. Rudger noticed? I didn't think anyone would actually take the time to count how many days I had been obviously unhappy for. " I love that sound, " Rudger soon added.

" Rudger ... I -- " I was cut off with a kiss. For the love of God, Rudger needed to stop doing that or he was going to get a wrench to the head. Did I have 'Cut me off' tattooed on my forehead?

" What happened, Hakase? " Rudger questioned me, "What happened to that cheerful dork who got excited over thinking about the possibilities of Momentum? What happened to the guy who made up those cheesy jokes and stories just to get Rex and I to laugh? What happened to the guy who always greeted us with a smile? "

Huh ... I wondered if I should have taken that as an insult or think it was sweet. I took the latter. "... He died the day he slept with you," came my response. Ooh, did that sound colder than originally intended.

" What? " of course Rudger was going to ask that, so when he did, I elaborated on what I meant.

" I can't love you ... I just can't. "

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
--------- R u d g e r `s POV

" Why?! Tell me why!! " I hadn't meant to scream at Hakase, just I found myself doing so. I even ended up pounding my fist right into the control panel for the Momentum in my fury. He couldn't love me ?! What kind of half - assed answer was that? I needed to know why, I demanded to know why. I expected for the Professor to shrink back out of fear from my response, but he did not even bat an eye. It was almost as if he expected that sort of explosion of anger coming from me.

" Hana ... Yusei ... I can't turn my back on them, " When in doubt, keep it blunt. Hakase followed that believe, apparently.

" How are you turning your back on them?! "

" I betrayed Hana! I betrayed everything I vowed to do at our wedding! I vowed to be faithful, to always love her and cherish her ... but I betrayed all of that! I don't want to break my family apart because I couldn't keep it in my pants! " This time, his reply was far more emotional than those other, almost monotone ones. He looked at me with fire in his eyes, his fists clenched as if he were prepared to hit me right in the face. "I can't love you! Don't you get that?! What my heart wants doesn't matter to me! I don't care about my happiness! Only Hana's and Yusei's matters! My happiness means nothing! " ... The hell? Was it weird that those were the words that came to mind? A part of me was really wanting to slap Hakase right now and call him a "Drama Queen" or something or beat some sense into that spiky head. That bitch and his son meant the world to him, and I had been the one to try to tear them all apart. I really was Satellite scum, wasn't I?

It meant nothing? Nothing?! No ... I wasn't going to let him get away with saying that. I had no idea that the man put such little value on his happiness, it meant something to me dammit and I was going to show him that whether he liked it or not. I grabbed onto his shoulders, forcefully pulling him up to his feet so we would be as close to eye level as we could get without me lifting him up. Hakase was shorter than I was, he couldn't help it, I was a pretty tall man. "Nothing?! It means something to me! I knew what was in your heart, I knew that you wanted me! I knew that you wanted to give your heart to me. What's keeping you from that? Some unhappy marriage with a woman that's more of a friend than she is a wife! You want someone to love you for you, for everything about you and guess what? I'm that person!"

There came that fateful reply.

"I can't, Rudger ... why can't you understand that? I can never love you ... I never had."

It tore my heart into pieces.


	3. You Will Be Mine

_Chapter o3 : You Will Be Mine_

Seventeen long years passed. Hakase had continued to live with that wretched woman Hana in a manner I would describe as being "roommates" than anything else. He continued to be faithful to her, he became a devoted father to Yusei, and he pushed aside all of his feelings he had to me as deep as he possibly could within his heart. One word could describe him : miserable. That man kept up his happy smile after our confrontation, and it sickened me each time that he would come to work only to lie to me. Until the day of the Zero Reverse, he lived that way. The only one who had made it out alive of that incident was my younger brother Rex, while I and Hakase passed away with it. I chose the path of becoming the world's first Dark Signer, while Hakase ... up until that fateful day, I assumed he had died as well and remained dead. I thought his spirit went off to heaven or whatever afterlife there was for benevolent spirits, I didn't know how wrong I was.

The area of the Dark Signer based was not too alluring at the first glance. Then again, Satellite was not a picnic to begin with. It was run down, dreary, every building was broken down in some way. Just so I would have something to do, or perhaps find another canidate to be under my control to send against those pesky Signers, I wandered down the dirt pathway nearing a junk yard. There was a figure standing at that junk yard, dressed in the attire of a Dark Signer such as myself. I assumed it may have been Kiryu or Demak, though I soon abandoned that thought upon noticing that his clothing was lined with gray. Kiryu's clothing possessed blue accents while Demak's was yellow, this person obviously was neither of them. The man began to walk off, so of course, I called out with : " You! Who are you? " I was the leader of the Dark Signers and thus, had authority over this person if he was one of us. The possibility of him being one of our followers crossed my mind, it could have been one of those meaningless humans.

" The servant of Cchalryuua, " his voice was smooth, yet calm, not to deep yet not to high. It was very familiar to me, yet I brushed aside the one possibility that came to mind. Cchalryuua? I had never heard of that Earthbound God before. It left me wanting to search for more answers of this man.

" And who, pray tell, is that? "

" The basilisk. The most powerful of all the Earthbound Gods," the explanation was simple and blunt in the beginning, however, he soon elaborated further to satisfy any more curiosities I might have. " A basilisk can kill someone with just letting its eyes meet theirs. My God is just as powerful as that, it can take out any enemy with minimal effort. No one can defeat him, " with the explanation out of the way, the man began to walk off once again yet I followed after him. I reached out a hand in order to pull down the hood that was keeping me from seeing his face, tugging it off of his head to find something familiar in that simple of a motion. That spiky black hair, that voice ... it was ...

" Turn around, " I told him in a voice that indicated that I was telling him to do so instead of requesting.

He had no problem in complying with my request and turned around to face me. Those blue eyes that once sparkled with happiness and kindness now were filled with darkness, the whites being as black as the darkness of the Underworld. There was a jagged pair of red lines along the right side of his face, it went from his hair line, interrupted by his eye, and trailed down his cheek to his jawline. It reminded me of the marking criminals received in the Facility, to be honest. Though I knew who this person was, I just had to ask : "What is your name?"

" You already know who I am, Rudger, "

" ... It's you ... isn't it, Hakase? "

" Who else? " he smiled. It wasn't like any smile of his I had seen before, it was sadistic ... it was evil. It was almost comparable to Kiryu's insane grins. Uru even knew that Kiryu was as insane as they came. " Aren't you happy, Rudger? I can still be here with you. After all these years, you found me. I've been waiting for you, " This wasn't Hakase. This wasn't the man who rejected me for the sake of his family being happy. Then again, Hakase did not have a family any longer. Hana was dead, and he had forced to send Yusei away for the sake of saving the infant's life. He had nothing to lose, yet everything to gain. Even with the darkness flowing through my veins, I did not give into the temptation. I didn't want him, not like this.

I didn't want this Hakase, I wanted the real one. Not this one ... anything but this one. " Why ... ? Why did you become like this?! "

" I had something I needed to accomplish. And I'm going to do it right now. Rudger Goodwin -- " he pointed a slender finger in my direction, " I challenge you to a Shadow Duel, "

---------- H a k a s e `s POV

With the power of Cchalryuua at my side, I could not lose this duel. If winning was my actual objective, I could swear to every Earthbound God, to the Crimson Dragon itself that I would win without half of my life points being taken away. Turn by turn, we dished out pain to one another. It was as if it were a regular duel, neither of us screamed in pain, though at one point I think I had ended up moaning. Oops! I couldn't help it that I enjoyed how it felt, Rudger knew that I was always the type to like it rough. That little moan had been enough to make Rudger blush and I found it to be oh so cute; it was difficult to make that man turn red and when I did make him do so, I took great pleasure in it.

As expected, our Earthbound Gods were eventually summoned. What was a Dark Signer duel without the summoning of the creatures that granted us a second chance at life? Uru was this humongous black spider with red markings adorning it's body, Cchalryuua on the other hand, was a large, vicious snake with dark gray markings covering it's black body to make it look all the more menacing. They were in equal match in attack points, however, my creature's special effect allowed me to reduce Rudger's Life Points to one if I gave up one thousand of my own life points in return. It left me with 1600 life points and Rudger with only one, however, I knew what he was going to do. He was going to attack me directly with his Earthbound God, as was Uru's special effect. But ... Rudger was hesitating. It wasn't in his nature to hesitate like that. Rudger was always sure of himself, he did not hesitate in speaking his mind or in committing any action. It wasn't like him to behave this way. Had this two decade long life as a Dark Signer made his spine weaken?

" Attack me, you coward! Get it over with! It's about time you grew some hair on your balls! " It wasn't in my nature to speak that way, even now as a Dark Signer, my language had always been polite and modest. Even as an insult, I said something like: "You can open up wide and suck on the Big Bang Theory". Phrases like "Fuck you" or "Go to hell, you bitch!" was something I always found to be too vulgar. Rudger also knew this about me, it was displayed with the look of shock on his features at my sudden order. I wanted him to attack me. I wanted him to put an end to this seventeen - year - old life as a Dark Signer. I hated it ... being forced to take the souls of every human that touched that purple mist whenever I dueled, being accountable for so much destruction ... I wanted him to do that before I was forced to go against my own child, my son who had since grown into a fine man. I wanted it all to end.

Rudger set me free. He freed me from this wretched life as a Dark Signer.

Despite the fact that I had a trap card on my field to stop that attack, Uru attacked me directly and reduced my life points to nothing. If I activated that card, I surely would have been the victor ... but, I didn't want to win. That was never my objective. Rudger held me in his arms, much like he had done that first and only time he made love to me, he held me tight and showed no hopes in ever letting go. Noticing the card that had been on my field the entire time, Rudger looked at me with shock " You ... you could have won, Hakase! Why? Why did you throw the game? "

" It's always 'why' with you, " I chuckled lightly as I turned my gaze up to his mark - adorned face. My eyes has since lost that black hue and returned to how they once were when I was human. " I never wanted to defeat you. All these years I had been waiting ... I always wanted to tell you what I was too afraid to seventeen years ago. I wanted to tell you how I felt since you began working for me, but I was too much of a coward, " I smiled weakly. The life was draining out of my body, I knew that soon I would be nothing but a pile of dust to fade into the wind. " I love you. I'm sorry I lied to you before ... you are enough ... rejecting you made me so miserable, I couldn't imagine going on without you there loving me. I wished I handled it differently but ... " I trailed off for a brief moment, " I love you, until my soul fades away, I always will, "

Even if my soul faded away, nothing would change my feelings for this man ... I loved him more than I ever loved another person in my life. I couldn't even imagine loving Hana nearly this much. Rudger was the one I wanted to be with. If only I came to realize that sooner.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
---------- R u d g e r `s POV

This was supposed to be a dream come true. I was supposed to be happy that I finally heard those words leave Hakase's lips after so many years. It gave me dread instead. For just moments after he proclaimed his love for me, he faded into dust as we shared a brief, yet sweet, kiss. He was gone. Hakase was gone from my life forever. I would never see him again, I would never hold him in my arms ... he will never be truly mine ever again. " ... I've always loved you. Don't you ever forget that, " I spoke out loud as if Hakase could hear my voice. I rose up to my feet, my gaze settling upon the sun that was now rising up in the usually smoggy sky. He was up there, in whatever afterlife there was. Oh, how I wish I could join him ... just getting a brief look at him would give me joy to last centuries.

I found myself smiling, yet tears came to my eyes. " ... We'll meet again one day. Then you truly will be mine, " I knew that sure enough. Finally, I had the chance to bring happiness to that man as I had always wanted to do in the first place. Nothing would be in the way to stop me this time, I would never let anyone stop me.

One day, I'll see dear ol' Professor Fudo again, and he surely will be mine.

**The End.**


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